Buttonwillow

Catch 22

2010-09-29T21:55:00.000-07:00

Feel a strong sense of cognitive dissonance. A walking contradiction. How does it seem that four years have just swept by. Time is of the essence. Be in the now.

This view is from my office. A place of comfort, tension, camaraderie, challenges, and my utmost place of growth and development. I am both grateful and resentful of this opportunity.

The sunrise allows the peace.

Namaste,

FALL CONTEMPLATION

2010-09-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

I am thinking of getting something like this for my newest tattoo. I just realized it has been six and a half years since my last one!!! Getting that bear claw was a fond memory for sure.

This one will be a motivation to keep my mind open and ready to accept new challenges that come my way. A constant challenge I face is dealing with the lack of appreciation for my job. I am grateful to have a job and a good one that provides a great life for me but... i can't help but feel pigeon holed into this life.

Welcome Back to the Land of the Living

2010-08-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Left Hander's Day to all those folks out there who have never felt quite right... haha get it? Right? Wow... I think I have had too much green tea for this day and find myself feisty and ready for my Friday to be over :)

Time for trouble... XOXO

Friends of the wierdest sort...

2010-02-24T15:38:00.000-08:00

"Where you stand, where you are, that's what your life is right there, regardless of how painful it is or how enjoyable it is. That's what it is"

Taizan Maezumi

Sometimes road bumps make me aware of how real my life is how deep I genuinely am capable of feeling and experiencing. It continuously keeps me more aware and even more grateful of those who surround me and ride this wild roller coaster by my side.

401 Days without her

2010-02-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

I miss my grandma today. I just realized that today is fourteen months to the exact evening my life changed completely.

Ground Hog Day- another six weeks!!!

2010-02-02T13:09:00.000-08:00

Happy Groundhogs Day!!! I am so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people. I feel very lucky to know that I have such great friends, family, and a good support system. Today is a day for gratitude :) I love you all very much!!!

CoNtRoL

2010-01-27T14:20:00.000-08:00

0" The Art of Being Wise is the art of knowing what to overlook"

-William James

Sanity seeking words

2010-01-08T09:38:00.000-08:00

Things that are done, it is needless to speak about...

things that are past, it is needless to blame...

It is time to step on out and live without guilt, remorse, or blame.

Love thyself, do good onto others and it will come back around.

I have realized just how grateful I am for everyone who has come into my life.

Whether it has been for a short period of time to teach me something, or a lifetime to let me know exactly what unconditional love is about.

I miss those that are not in my life anymore but I know it is for a reason and I need to value what they brought to my life when they were present.

Please let me release the internal drama which causes me to complicate the simplest of ventures.

BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!

2010

2010-01-04T09:07:00.000-08:00

Man eating Polar Bear!!!! LOL

Too Cute :)

Thank Goodness 2010 has finally arrived!

#1 thing I am grateful for today are my friends :)

Love you all very much!!!

Reflections

2009-12-29T11:38:00.000-08:00

Ode to this decade...

I've learned so much and am continuing to learn more and more conceptually, foundationally, and most importantly a new awareness within myself. I find that the development and conditioning of school still resides deep within me. I attempt to overcome this nagging feeling that I am going on year four in this industry as of June 2010. That is the same increment of time that I went through high school... and college... i think back and remember 2002 as if it were yesterday and it is now 8 years?!?!?!?! It's a reality check.

Top Albums that got me through the end of High School, into college, out of college, into the work force...
1.) Stankonia- Outkast
2.) Whoa Nelly! Nelly Furtado
3.) Kid A- Radiohead
4.) Country Grammer- Nelly
5.) The Moon and Antarctica- Modest Mouse
6.) Nia- Blackalicious
7.) Brushfire Fairytales- Jack Johnson
8.) Drops of Jupiter- Train
9.) Songs in a Minor- Alicia Keyes
10.) India.Arie- India Arie
11.)Live at Java Joe’s- Jason Mraz
12.) Room for Squares- John Mayer
13.) Come Away with Me- Norah Jones
14.) A Rush of Blood to The Head- Coldplay
15.) El Cielo- Dredg
16.)Sevens Travels- Atmosphere
17.) God Loves Ugly- Atmosphere
18.) Plans- Death Cab for Cutie
19.) youth- matisyahu
20.) Amputechture- Mars Volta

The Countdown Begins!

2009-12-28T11:30:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness we are wrapping up 2009!

I am ready to bound into 2010 with a new way of looking at life.

It is time to focus on new beginnings.

I am going to make a pact to myself and others to tell it exactly how it is.

Hip Hip... Hooray!!!!

2009-12-21T11:22:00.000-08:00

Four Days until Christmas!!!

Precious

2009-12-11T09:03:00.000-08:00

I would like to introduce to you the early Christmas presence our family received.

This little "ootz" is my new niece!

I'm in LOVE. I now realize what it is like to care for someone so unconditionally and deeply.

WORK

2009-12-08T14:33:00.000-08:00

Xmas Dog

2009-12-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

My friend Britta's dog Riley... I absolutely adore her!!!

GO DUCKS

2009-12-03T07:40:00.000-08:00

Blah!!!!

2009-12-01T09:27:00.000-08:00

There's so much emphasis on Famous people and their personal lives.

It is a political spectical... A means to distract society of what is really happening.

There doesn't need to be such a focus on the external aspects of life.

Go Inward and FOCUS.

:) Loves and Hugs... I am stepping off the soap box now.

2009-11-30T10:28:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone's Thanksgiving was full of food and fun. It was an adventure for my family and myself :) We went to the beach and enjoyed the cozy, stormy weather... Although the sunset was magnificent on Wednesday.

Loves and Cheers,

O-B-A-M-A

2009-11-25T11:59:00.001-08:00

New Sea Creature

2009-11-24T13:35:00.000-08:00

This undated photo released by Census of Marine Life and the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution shows a transparent sea cucumber, Enypniastes, creeping forward on its many tentacles at about 2 cm per minute while sweeping detritus-rich sediment into its mouth at 2,750 meters in the Northern Gulf of Mexico. Thousands of marine species eke out an existence in the ocean's pitch-black depths by feeding on the snowlike decaying matter that cascades down, and even sunken whale bones, according to a report released Sunday, Nov. 22, 2009

Turkey Mania

2009-11-24T08:34:00.000-08:00

I think my obsession with the holidays is to compensate for the immense sadness of knowing a huge part of my life is behind me. It is officially almost a year where I have been without the utmost comfort of maternal love. It is saying goodbye to my youth. I realize that this is it. This is my life and is truly up to me to make the most of thse experiences :)

Someone once told me, "we are spiritual beings having a physical experience" it struck me as silly when I first heard these words.

Now I realize the validity and truth of it.

I am ever so thankful for my life, family, friends, and opportunities that have come my way thus far.

I feel lucky to have loved as deeply as I have experienced thus far. Even though it is gone now, I am now realizing how important it is for me to have that memory to draw upon. I will always love what we had and am okay with it staying being a part of my past.

I am thankful for my life!

Turkey day is near...

2009-11-23T15:21:00.000-08:00

Mmm... It will be a feast of goodness...

Thank God my family and I all get to be together for the cozy holiday!!!

We are going to drink, eat, and be merry in each other's company... I am so very much excited for such a fantastic memorable opportunity!

I am so excited to see my family and hang out at the cozy little bungalow!!!

Faith...

2009-11-20T07:59:00.000-08:00

This dog is amazing...

Urban Decay Lip Gloss Pocket Rocket

2009-11-19T08:17:00.001-08:00

http://www.urbandecay.com/categories/PocketRocketLipGloss.cfm

Hair Ideas...

2009-11-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

Sunny dreams...

2009-11-19T07:40:00.000-08:00

Ride your bike, the bus, or quit driving solo !!! Our Earth as we know it is going to disappear

2009-11-17T14:09:00.000-08:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8364926.stm

Holiday Fever

2009-11-17T11:34:00.000-08:00

It's the time for apple cider, snow angels, and family. I am so excited to curl up and watch copious amounts of Holiday Movies!!! Be with my family and friends cherishing each and every moment that goes by where those around me are happy, healthy, and able to be close by. If not close by than close at heart...

It is the first holiday where I am actually coherent and aware of just how quickly time goes by... There isn't any time to waste to just enjoy... I miss my grandma so deeply and profoundly that the grief has pushed me into a new reality of appreciation. There is a beauty in sadness but now with dwelling. I will make a pact to celebrate her memory through the holidays.

This too shall pass....

Careful who you sleep next to

2009-11-17T11:29:00.001-08:00

This is a crazy article!!!http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/8364393.stm

Watch out!!!

Contract of Departure

2009-11-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

I will make an effort to save money each and every month for my travels to far off lands.

I will become more regimented for the year of 2010. This means that I will be making a conscious effort to spend less....

Rescue Me!!!!

2009-11-12T15:39:00.000-08:00

Good Afternoon All,

I just got done with an ever so stimulating afternoon of CPR training. Two breaths to 30 compressions... This is very important business here :)

But as I was sitting in class listening to some of the stories, my mind was full of ideas, feelings, and extreme inspiration! I want to travel to far off lands and learn about things that aren't anything to do with the finance world and the bottom line affairs of the economy... Next thought, how the hell do I get there?!?!!? I have now decided to look into employment opportunities with the Red Cross, LOL, I know it sounds silly but just wait...

<3,

Mel

Holiday Fever

2009-11-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming!!!Christmas is coming!!!

It's going to be such a great Winter of 2009 because that means that we are that much closer to wrapping this hellish year up to an end :()

Up, Up, and Up

2009-11-10T13:24:00.000-08:00

BBC.org had readers send in three words to describe economic times for next year 2010... This is what they came up with. I think it's fitting but I would like to say we will see the DOW keep climbing up, up, and further up.... Maybe new stocks will prevail?

Please give me the strength to handle this place

2009-11-10T09:10:00.000-08:00

Please grant me the patience to put up with this hell...

Only for a while longer...

Once I decide what I want to happen with my life, I am outta here....

2009-11-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

Today is a gloomy oregon day. I enjoy the cold, the dampness, and use it as an excuse to cuddle under my favorite hand knit blanket and have a fire. These are the days to write in my journal by the fire, listen to calm sultry music, and relax.

Today is a day where I am just existing. I reach out to those who I think will be of support. Unfortunately I realize just how lonely life is... It's a realization that causes me to feel oddly enough inspired. I am my own best friend. I cannot seek out comfort from others.

I need to learn to just reach within myself to avoid disappointment,
<3

The Weekend is Over

2009-11-09T07:42:00.000-08:00

Here I am...

Sitting at my desk...

Losing my intellect as you read this...

Awaiting some sort of miracle to happen...

Making me disappear from this job...

Escada Piano

2009-11-06T13:53:00.000-08:00

Love Lesson...

2009-11-06T13:04:00.000-08:00

Sesame Street Birthday!!!!

2009-11-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

Reminds me of my childhood which was, shit, 22 years ago when I was watching this show... I feel older now :)

Happy 40th Birthday to Sesame Street!

Tee hee

2009-11-06T10:19:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday Everyone!

2009-11-06T09:07:00.000-08:00

Thursday Insight

2009-11-05T10:36:00.000-08:00

Tarot reading for Mel:

Love:The Tower
Touchstone:The Hermit
Career:The Pope
-->The Tower heralds a testing time emotionally today, dear Mel, while the Hermit indicates a powerful sense of solitude and melancholy. You are feeling abandoned by those around you, misunderstood by those you love, and totally helpless about your emotional future. Shut yourself away, stand back and consider calmly the life choices that you see before you. In the professional context, quite clearly, this is not the ideal time for sharing your ideas and plans with others. The Pope and the Hermit are asking you to assess your own situation, to withdraw into yourself in order to find solutions, and not to look for help from outside. If you get the chance, try to get away by yourself, or sit in a quiet corner somewhere. Keep the door to your office closed and put up a notice: "Do not disturb – I’m trying to think...“

Wedding Season

2009-11-05T10:15:00.001-08:00

Thursday

2009-11-05T07:10:00.001-08:00

The Light Illuminates the redness, vividness, and rawness of the fall leaves, a sign of transition from the warm summer sun into the cold crisp winter to come.

The red is familiar somehow. The vivid rawness of my feelings when I had to say goodbye.

wowzer...

2009-11-04T14:45:00.001-08:00

We Can Thank Lacey L for this one :)

Precious little gem

2009-11-04T11:38:00.000-08:00

Isn't she the cutest ever?!?!?!

I love babies hands and feet... They are so small and cute :)

This will be my future one day!

2009-11-03T12:11:00.000-08:00

May I please be here right now?!?!?

With Margarita in hand and some yoga poses to center in with?!?!?!

Tuesday Goodies...

2009-11-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

Take me for a ride!!! My head is in a cloud of balloons right now. 4 a.m. does no one well.

Especially with eight hours of work ahead!

Halloween 2009!!!

2009-11-03T05:14:00.000-08:00

Hello My Pretties...

2009-11-02T15:35:00.001-08:00

H-U-N-G-O-V-E-R

2009-10-27T10:19:00.000-07:00

Hungover as hell today... It does not help to drown the sorrows btw... Just ask Bailey from Party of Five...

2009-10-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

I wish my heart would stop hurting...

I wish I knew how to distinguish between love and sex...

I wish I could figure this life out...

What the fuck do I want from this life?!?!?!!?

2009-10-21T13:40:00.000-07:00

Good Morning!!!!

2009-10-21T11:34:00.000-07:00

psychadelic

2009-10-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

Black Light Responsive accessories and clothing are back in style?!?!?! What?!!?!?

Sex-y Outfit :)

2009-10-20T14:25:00.000-07:00

http://www.nylonmag.com/?section=article&parid=3730

jason mraz

2009-10-20T11:16:00.000-07:00

You and I Both- Jason Mraz
Was saying," Was it you who spoke the words that
Things would happen but not to me?"
Oh, things are gonna happen naturally
Oh, I'm taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing out the whole thing

Was saying," Was it you who spoke the words that
Things would happen but not to me?"
Oh, things are gonna happen naturally
Oh, I'm taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side
And I'm balancing the whole damn thing
Oh, but at often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright light turns to night
Oh, until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me
'Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only dream of the love
Oh, the love that I love, love that I found
See I'm more about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered, numbered words
A hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words than I had ever heard and I feel so alive
'Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now
Oh love, love, you and I, you and I
Not so little, you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving
Is the glory of a boy
'Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now
Well, then I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of, I'm finally de de de
Well, I'm almost finally, finally
Well, I am free, oh, that's me
And it's okay if you had to go away
Oh, just remember the telephones
Well, they're workin' it both ways
But if I never, ever, never, never, never
Never, never hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Finally found you someone else and that's okay
'Cause I'll remember everything you sang
'Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now
Well, then I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of, I'm finally de de de
Well, I'm almost finally, finally, well, out of words

Love and Appreciation for the Northwest

2009-10-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

mmm... what a beautiful sunrise. I miss the sunshine. It is cloudy, cold, and defintely autumn at it's most dismal...

I <3>

Crossmodal Transfer of Emotion by Music

2009-10-20T08:46:00.000-07:00

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204488304574433340069373698.html

"art is why i get up in the morningbut my definition ends thereit doesn't seem fair that i'm living for something i can't even define" ani difranco- out of habit

mmm....

2009-10-19T14:04:00.001-07:00

I'm in L-O-V-E!!!!

Balloon Hoax

2009-10-19T10:44:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... So this is quite a Hoax performed by the Heenes... My question that I would like to pose is: Really? Is this what we choose to spend our time covering in the news? What about what is happening with international affiars? Or how about the war going on overseas? Anything except for this shennanigan... It's as bad as the Jon and Kate plus Eight Melodrama. I'm disturbed that this is what we've chosen to focus on... A Complete Hoax by an attention hungry attempted startlet couple...

Meow...

2009-10-19T09:00:00.001-07:00

BOOK CLUB!!!!

2009-10-19T08:59:00.001-07:00

So I was reading NYLONMAG.com and found this book that looks just simply divine...

The book comes out in three weeks, but you can pre-order your copy starting today. And if you can't wait for a corset-and-petticoat horror show, pick up Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - created by the same twisted / terrific team - at any book store. And if you want to get pumped, watch the book trailer from Quirk Books below, just watch out for the giant squid.--FARAN KRENTCIL

Happy Monday

2009-10-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

While we pursue happiness, we flee from contentment. - Hasidic Proverb

It's time to live in the moment. I just really wish my current moment was looking at this scene :)

I get so tired of the mundane office drab...

Somewhere over the Rainbow

2009-10-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

Stormy Saturday Morning in The Northwest

Makes me crave this

2009-10-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

True Blood and Twilight

They differ in the level of erotic stimulation but both contain a perfect construction of the ideal man: older (much much older), wise(living for hundreds of years usually brings some wisdom), and protection. Both of which take us through story time of mortal/immortal relationship... The passion, wonder, and sexual tension. Infinite chances of life, pain, and of course the amazing inconsequential sex between vampire and mortal.

The question genuinely lies with : Where the hell do I find me someone eh hem, I mean something (they are dead after all) like this? I know, it's weird, I tried to stay away from the Vampire Fad... Unfortunately I have succumb... Mmmm... Bill and Edward- true gentleman from another time. Chivalry at it's finest...

Welcome to the World of Me...

2009-10-16T10:03:00.000-07:00

"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. "Nietzsche